YOU KNOW WHAT’S NEAT? As I get older I like myself more. I learn more about myself each and everyday. I learn more about what I want in this life and what I don’t want. And more importantly, I accept myself for who I am. It becomes even clearer once you become a parent. Who you are that is. It’s magnified and for the first time, it really does matter. You are the most important role model to your children. It’s a pretty amazing thing.
You think you reach a point where you know exactly who you are, a place where you are very comfortable in your own skin, a place where you feel like you are exactly where you need to be and then you find out that the evolution of being is constant. It’s never the same. What we want or think we want evolves and evolves and evolves. I can imagine many people can relate to that. I look back at myself as a young child, to teenager to young adult and my present being (adult?) and I want to laugh. I want to laugh so hard because I can scroll back and picture myself acting like I knew it all, like I was so big and powerful but yet so small and vulnerable.
I’m sure I am going to look back at this one day when I am 80 years old and smile. That’s going to be pretty amazing. Living to be 80 that is. At least I hope I do. Life is amazing. I am very thankful for it. I am in awe of it. Now that I am a momma, I look at life differently. It really does change you. I am sure any parent can agree/relate to that statement.
The whole who am I question becomes even more personal. I want to be the best me not only for myself of course, but for my daughter and for her siblings when they come along. I want to be the best example of me. I want her to know that I am not perfect but that there is a line between not trying or caring and being the best that one can be.
The fact that I grew life inside of me, brought that life out into this world, and plain and simple made a life. Still blows my mind. And the fact that this little being is still surviving off and only me. Blows my mind.
Each and everyday that I look at her and she smiles at me with that big open silly smile of hers. I smile back so hard it hurts. I want nothing but the best for her and she reminds me that I should want nothing but the best for me too.